Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This toilet bowl is my home.
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