this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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