I wish life had little blips of pornography
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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