i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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