I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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