so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize