Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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