I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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