We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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