if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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