and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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