just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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