Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize