Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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