i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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