Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize