Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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