I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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