Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
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She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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