Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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