My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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