i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize