I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
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I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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