I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize