spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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