Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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