Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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