I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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