My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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