My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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