I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize