Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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