I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize