hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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