so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize