I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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