and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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