If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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