No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So much rum. So many feels.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sobbing to NWA
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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