My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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