is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
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Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize