Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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