Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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