party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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