I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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