its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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