just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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