I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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