I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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