apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
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Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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